the number to the right over there by itself is my count down to anime expo! (yay!!) I'm going to put a box around it stating as much. I changed hosting companies again, wich means this thing should be up now around the clock. I had my second anxiety attack ever tonight. Not good. this one was not nearly as bad as the first, tho. No screaming and crying and hyperventalation this time. I don't know if anyone really knows how hard things are for me right now. And it's for no reason whatsoever. Well, there are reasons but it's not like anything happened that triggered it. Man, I hate myself. And what's worse is I hate hating myself even more than I hate myself. Actually I think that's a good thing (if you can translate the previous sentence from Susan-speak), it most likely means I'm ready to actually get help. Basically I am so sick of hating myself the only option is to get professional help. So I am.